Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why Does Moving Suck so Royally?

Is it the PMS or the fact that I hate packing a suitcase let alone a whole apartment up? I just constantly feel like I can't get it organized the way I want it to, so then why bother? I have these fantasies of labeled boxes, stacked, tetris like with my things. My FAVORITE things. Unfortunately that's most of my things.

If my friends hadn't come over for packing party two weeks ago I'd be screwed. But there's still SO MUCH STUFF. If Bobbi hadn't come over tonight, I would have spent it watching To Love, Honor and Betray on Lifetime. The bad acting, the dramatic music, and oh the dialogue. But instead Bobbi helped me empty the dresser I have to get rid of since it won't fit in my new smaller (but more expensive, but has a pool and a porch and central air) apartment. We discovered I have a billion pairs of fishnets most of which I never wear. And the identical brown shirts. Lots and lots of brown. Throwing away is supposed to free you and be symbolic and the first ten or so bags were, but now it's an admission of defeat. Everything I buy comes with this bizarre childish fantasy that somehow if I can just find the right clothes or tights or shoes everything in my life will click. The three bags of stuff for the goodwill from one dresser and some shelves: testament to how wrong I am about that. Is it so emotional because stuff I don't use makes me feel greedy and foolish, each a soft piece of defeat? Or because I can't give it up, this belief in a platonic ideal of a wardrobe that will fix me? In the bottoms of the my drawers I find clothes that I forgot existed, but when I see them I can remember where and when and why I got them (and if they were on sale or not).

Fanatasy lives. In mine I'm neat. Organized. And I don't space out during conversations. I don't spend hours watching Tv. I do the dishes right away. I write every day. And exercise. Ok, so that sounds like the type of person I wouldn't get along with. In fact it might be the type of person I'd find myself irritated for hours afterwards just because they were so damn chipper when they said hello. But maybe that's why moving sucks: digging around in my fantasy lives and realizing that I can't measure up. And I'm the one making myself miserable. But will realizing any of this making packing tomorrow suck any less? I doubt it.


Renee Una said...

Moving ALL your stuff won't be much harder or more expensive then not moving the few items you're discarding here and there. Pack everything. Move everything. Your new space and new life will quickly and painlessly illuminate what you need and don't need.

Put everything in un-labeled boxes and go!

Teep said...

have faith (hmm... where have I read that before)

I used to be messy, now I'm fairly neat... and organized (enough for my purposes). I don't space out during (engaging) conversations (much) anymore... I don't spend hours watching TV (unless it's required by health). I do the dishes right away (right away as in after post-eating enjoyment time or the next morning if I'm lazy). I don't write every day, but I write more then I ever have...

oh god and exercise, has helped me in so many ways, I used to abhor it... now I crave it... but am still quite picky about how/what I do and where.

that said...my guess is that you'd probably get along fine with me and after a few hours would probably even forget I was there... I'll only seem chippy if there's an 808 chirping away somewhere.

bottom line is, you can measure up, drop your short term goals from a pole vault to a high jump, get some discipline (ugggh) and work at slowly raising the bar.

also like renee's advice... but do think the time to "condense" is before you move... letting stuff go is harder before it happens then after. at least that's been my experience.

hope to see more entries here in the future! keep us "posted"

ana dane said...

the quest to satisfy my platonic ideal of a wardrobe is what keeps me getting out of bed each morning, dear sister. there's nothing wrong with that.